Chris Walker Vs. Mariachi Music
It’s long been established that people who say, “I listen to everything except country,” are devoid of original thought and probably aren’t the type of people you want to be friends with. Personally, I’ve always thought, “I listen to everything except Christian Contemporary,” was a much better way to go but recently I changed my mind. Now, whenever anyone asks me what kind of music I listen to I’m going to tell them, “I listen to everything… everything except for Mariachi music.”
Mariachi, Mexico’s traditional music, originating in the state of Jalisco (of which my beloved Guadalajara is the capital), is the worst music ever. I loathe it. Mariachi music has single-handedly (or million-handedly, as there are millions of these guys) hindered the Mexican people since its inception. I have serious reason to believe that if Mariachi were wiped off the earth, Mexico would rise to that of a Super Power.
Photoshopped by Chris Walker.
Think about this: a Mariachi band is the only band you pay to go away. Typically, you pay money to hear the music you like, not make it stop. But that’s how it is with these “musicians” in their ridiculous hats and extraordinary mustaches. Has there ever been a time when you’ve heard mariachi music and enjoyed it? No; there hasn’t been. You’ll be out at dinner having a pleasant conversation when seven to ten of these instrument toting, tassel sporting son’s of bitches come sauntering out of a back room. Before you know it, they’re in your face ba-ba-ba-baing with horns ablaze. You’re like, “I’m just trying to enjoy my fish tacos; now, I can’t even hear myself think.” Thoroughly annoyed, you throw a couple pesos or coins at the band, then do they turn to terrorize the table beside you and the game begins anew. This goes on until the Mariachi band has successfully molested every patron. Only then do they disappear.
I don’t even care about its cultural significance, Mariachi music ruins lives. The only music worse than Mariachi is music made by Jordin “I’ve Got No Sense of Humor” Sparks.
Posted: November 24th, 2008 | Author: Chris Walker | Filed under: Music | Tags: Music | 5 Comments »
I dated a guy who thought Mariachi music was the end all…that and Reggaeton. Yes, we dateD once.
Chris, I am sure you just love Daddy Yankee.
Tara: Oh, I just love Daddy Yankee. And Reggaeton, too. Gag me; Reggaeton is the second worst music ever.
I’m sure that was a lovely date.
I guess you will not be coming to to my wedding. I hate being brown.
I heard if you listen to mariachi music backwards you’ll get your money back.
By the way, I rank Tejano music third worst. Must be too many frijoles in the gene pool.
Liz: Brown is beautiful. I’ve learned to tolerate Mariachi, but that doesn’t mean I don’t fucking hate it.
Mike: Tejano, you say? I’ve never knowingly heard it but I’ll take your word for it. Sounds horrible.