Chris Walker Vs. Proposition 2

Photo from Daylife.com

I’ve heard a lot of people talking about California’s Proposition 8, even in Reno where we can’t vote on it. I’ve read about the significant financial contributions made. I’ve seen the celebrity videos urging Californians to “vote no”. It’s quite a big deal. And rightly so, I presume. Proposition 8 is the ballot initiative to eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry in the state of California. The proposition has the potential to affect a lot of people’s lives (and their health benefits). If I were a California resident I would undoubtedly vote NO on Proposition 8, supporting all individuals right to marry whomever they chose.

Personally, I think we’ll all look back on “gay issues” fifty years from now the same way we view civil rights for African Americans. (Civil rights are on-going but it’s not like a black person is worth three-fourths of a vote anymore, or drinking from a separate water fountain.) One day we’ll all look back and say, Of course homosexuals should have been treated as equals to heterosexuals. They should’ve been allowed to get married all along. And kind of how you’ve got to remind your senile great-grandmother it’s not okay to say “the n-word”, our great grand-children will have to remind us it’s not okay to call things “gay” or call people “faggots”.

What I’m getting at is I think Americans are spending so much time worrying about gay marriage they may not realize there are equally important matters going on. For instance, Californians, you have the opportunity to significantly change how animals that become our food and make our food are treated. I’m referring to Proposititon 2 which considers the confinement of farm animals. California, if you vote YES on Proposition 2 you will be putting into effect an initiative that “Requires that calves raised for veal, egg-laying hens and pregnant pigs be confined only in ways that allow these animals to lie down, stand up, fully extend their limbs and turn around freely,” according to the California General Election website. Do you realize how important that is? On top of the aforementioned, passing the initiative would do away with battery cages, cages which house up to eight or so hens for roughly ninety-five percent of their lives, a living condition which is epitome of animal cruelty. You have the opportunity to improve the living conditions of the animals that become our food. (These are practices organic farmers have already implemented, by the way.)

Proposition 2 is an incredibly significant issue. Call me naive but I think if you, Californians, all vote YES on Proposition 2, as powerful and influential as your state is, you will cause a domino effect and over time all states will in turn do the same. It’s mind-blowing, the power you hold in your hands this coming Tuesday.

EDUCATE YOURSELF:

Ballotpedia: Proposition 2

YES on Proposition 2

NO on Proposition 2

Chris Walker Vs. Halloween

I don’t like celebrating Halloween. I know, that probably makes me sound like an angry, uninformed Christian but, really, I just don’t get into it. I don’t particularly like the idea of “dressing up”; I hate the pressure of either putting on a Halloween party or finding a Halloween party to attend; I loathe haunted houses, and I’m not all that excited by candy. I’d rather have a whiskey, thank you. Even when I was a kid I didn’t like Halloween. Sure, I wore a sweet, homemade Spider Man costume when I was, like, eight but after that? Nothing. (There was also a brief, pre-teen religious phase in which I considered Halloween to be the “devil’s holiday”. My mistake. I didn’t know it originated as a Celtic harvest celebration or was the eve of All Saint’s Day. Now, I know better.) Regardless of circumstance, Halloween has been a source of burden and anxiety for me as long as I can remember.

Having said all that, unless you’re just going to be a grumpy bastard and shun social interaction, you’re probably going to end up at a Halloween party, and you’re going to have to dress up. For those of you that are excited about this: Good for you. For those of you like me: Fear not. I’ve mastered the art of the half-assed costume ideas (which require little to no money to execute) and am here to help.

HALF-ASSED COSTUME IDEA NUMBER ONE: A SPORTS FIGURE
Own a jersey? Guess who you are? Whoever has their name embroidered on the back of that thing, that’s who. Just the other night I went to a Halloween party as Braylon Edwards, wide receiver for the Cleveland Browns. Worked like a charm.

Photoshopped by Chris Walker.

HALF-ASSED COSTUME IDEA NUMBER TWO: AN ALIEN IN DISGUISE
I used this one when I was in junior high. My friends wanted to ride their bikes around the neighborhood and go trick or treating. I, of course, joined them but didn’t have a costume to wear. I used my genius intellect. When someone asked what I was supposed to be I told them, “I’m an alien disguised as a human being.” Mission accomplished.

HALF-ASSED COSTUME IDEA NUMBER THREE: HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP (HFCS)
Remember when Malebolgia from Spawn was hocking Kraft Crumbles? He’s back! And this time he means business. Don’t worry, you don’t have to make some elaborate Malebolgia costume to properly represent HFCS this Halloween. Just don some devil horns, carry around a jug of Sunny D, and tell your friends, “C’mon, Drink me up! There’s nothing wrong with me in moderation! What are you, a pussy? Take a swig! Aha! Ha! Ha! Ha!” They’ll be petrified.

Photoshopped by Chris Walker.

HALF-ASSED COSTUME IDEA NUMBER FOUR: AN ETHNIC STEREOTYPE
Still have that sombrero or poncho you bought on your Mexican cruise / vacation / trip to Tijuana? You’re a Mexican. Own a boda bag and a bandana? Throw on a white t-shirt, you’re Basque. Don’t own a boda bag but have a white t-shirt and a bandana? You’re French or Spanish (via Spain), take your pick. Obese and bad teeth? You’re Australian. Truly, the possibilities are endless.

Photoshopped by Chris Walker.

HALF-ASSED COSTUME IDEA NUMBER FIVE: THE GUY
I’ve wanted to wear this costume for years but have just been too lazy. Maybe you can pull it off. First you’ve got to look middle-aged, be bald, and have a handlebar mustache. Wear a headband over those luscious locks, then throw on a mesh top that only reaches your belly button; you know, the kind football players throw over their shoulder pads during practice. And don’t wear a shirt underneath, the ladies need to see your sexy, obtrusive gut. Finally, put on your mid-thigh workout shorts and your knee high socks. Congratulations, you’re officially “The Guy” who hangs out at the gym I used to belong to. You’re ready to lean on railings (after you’ve wiped EVERYTHING down with a disinfectant towel) while checking out chicks, and completely fail at doing anything that resembles exercise. Looking good.

Happy Halloween, everybody.

Chris Walker Vs. Good Meat Vs. Bad Meat

Photo from Gourmet.com

Wow. Heated debates and hate mail? I was under the impression vegetarians were too malnourished to defend themselves or viciously attack. I was wrong. I can understand the anger, though. Going years without a delicious steak or charcuterie plate would make me violent and devoid of laughter, too.

When I wrote Chris Walker Vs. A Bone To Pick With Vegetarians, I didn’t think anyone would actually believe I want “omnivore options” on vegetarian restaurant menus. I just pointing out the double-standard. The real point was: if your sole rational for being a vegetarian is because you’re opposed to the way animals that become our food are treated, your viewpoint is overly simplistic and uninformed. Not all meat companies are created equal, and to lump them all together as evil is ignorant. Just like you wouldn’t stop wearing shoes altogether because one shoe company had their shoes made in a sweat shop, you shouldn’t stop eating meat just because one meat company engages in inhumane practices. Eat meat from Niman Ranch, a company that doesn’t unnaturally feed their animals or administer antibiotics or steroids, and promotes sustainability and ethical animal treatment. Buy pork products from Boccalone, a company that only uses “natural, certified humane, pasture raised, antibiotic and hormone free pork,” and prides itself on developing strong relationships with small farms.

In retrospect, I wasn’t straight-forward enough. I blame that on my immersion in the topic. Sometimes you spend so much time learning and talking about something, you forget everyone isn’t on the same page as you. And after reading private e-mails in response to the post (some good, some bad) I was surprised by the amount of people unfamiliar with sustainable farming practices.

So, once again, I’m here to tell you that not all meat companies are created equal. Just like you get your vegetables organic and pesticide free, you can get your meat — whether it be cow, chicken, lamb, or pork — in the same manner. More likely than not, there are restaurants in your community that support these good meat companies and make it a point to mention it on their menus. You may have a butcher in your area that gets their meat from a local, sustainable source. Do a little research. Find them. Ask questions. Educate yourself.

Shunning meat altogether doesn’t have to be the answer to making a stand against the unethical practices of giant meat companies or, I don’t know, reducing your carbon footprint. I almost think if you were truly concerned with the ethical treatment of animals and the ecological impact of raising animals for food you’d want to buy, eat, and support companies like Niman Ranch and Boccalone. People will always eat meat. No matter how much you protest or don’t personally eat it, meat companies will always be in business. I think to reward the good companies for their admirable practices will make a much more positive impact than dismissing them and their products as if they were the same as products from, let’s say, Westland/Hallmark, a company whose unethical practices led to the largest meat recall ever. I know this is epic level wishful thinking but imagine if we all supported sustainable, eco-friendly companies and boycotted the bad ones; together we could make a huge difference in the way animals are raised, treated, and slaughtered. We’d all be eating a lot better at the same time.