Hate to say it but I haven’t seen a lot of great end-of-year lists this year – especially top ten album lists. There are top 25, top 15, top anything-but-ten-albums lists everywhere but no strict top-ten. Not that I blame anyone, so many great albums came out this year it’s hard to narrow it down. Regardless, I have risen to the challenge and present to you now: my top ten albums of 2006.
Notice: all MP3s are for sampling purposes and will be taken down if requested. These are songs from the best albums of the year though, so click the links and buy the albums – if you don’t already own them. They’re the best so, obviously worth it.
10. Talkdemonic: Beat Romantic
I think everyone had a big Talkdemonic jack-off party right before this album came out and then completely forgot about it once it did. Beat Romantic is great; when photographing half-naked women in black and white there is no better album to have on. Well, aside from old Prince, I guess.
[MP3] Talkdemonic: Cascade Locks
Purchase Beat Romantic.
09. Feist: Open Season
A lot of remix albums fall short, this one does not. From Apostle of Hustle’s gorgeously stripped un-mix of “Inside and Out” to Postal Service’s complete re-work of “Mushaboom” there was no denying Open Season’s greatness. The only thing missing was all of Feist’s French tracks, I enjoy those.
[MP3] Feist: Mushaboom (Postal Service Remix)
Purchase Open Season.
08. MSTRKRFT: The Looks
Dirtier than Ratatat and just as hard as The Knife, they could drink Hot Chip under the table and then beat Girl Talk in a street fight – they’re MSTRKRFT and they’re so hardcore they don’t even use vowels. Their debut album, The Looks, and original-crushing remixes dominated the indie/hardcore/house/what-the-fuck-ever/dance scene this year. I love them, so should you.
[MP3] MSTRKRFT: Paris
Purchase The Looks.
07. Sondre Lerche and the Faces Down Quartet: Duper Sessions
An overlooked classic the moment it was released, Duper Sessions is proof one of my favorite singer/songwriters (Two Way Monologue, anyone?) can do just about anything he wants and make it sound great.
[MP3] Sondre Lerche and the Faces Down Quartet: (I Wanna) Call It Love
Purchase Duper Sessions.
06. Lupe Fiasco: Food and Liquor
While everyone was pretending Ghostface Killah’s Fishscale was the most awesome thing they’d ever heard they missed out on Lupe’s Food and Liquor: the best rap album of the year (minus the twelve-minute-long “Outro” track). Kick, push, kick, push, coast…
[MP3] Lupe Fiasco: Real feat. Sarah Green
Purchase Food and Liquor.
05. Silversun Pickups: Carnavas
This album reminded me of the golden age of alternative rock and almost made me feel like a middle-schooler again. 01. Wow, I am getting old. 02. What a solid album.
[MP3] Silversun Pickups: Dream at Tempo
Purchase Carnavas.
04. Beirut: Gulag Orkestar
Gypsy music for indie kids? Genius.
[MP3] Beirut: Mount Wroclai (Idle Days)
Purchase Gulag Orkestar.
03.The Most Serene Republic: Phages
I play this EP on repeat, repeatedly. Easily the best thing to be (officially) released in the last quarter of 2006 and evidence of the great things to come from this band.
[MP3] The Most Serene Republic: Emergency Performance Art Piece
Purchase Phages.
02. My Brightest Diamond: Bring Me The Workhorse
Surprise, surprise. Was there any doubt I’d put this album on the list? If you’ve been reading the Versus you know it dominated me most of the year. Listen and learn why.
[MP3] My Brightest Diamond: Something of an End
Purchase Bring Me The Workhorse.
01. Margot & the Nuclear So and So’s: The Dust of Retreat
No album has spent more time playing in my truck, in my home, on my iPod, on my computer, and in the CD player of friend’s vehicles. The Dust of Retreat is a gasp of clarity, a beacon of brilliance. Best album of the year – hands down, no contest – and if you think otherwise you are wrong. Or you might just have shitty taste.
[MP3] Margot & the Nuclear So and So’s: Skeleton Key
Purchase The Dust of Retreat.
So, there’s the list. Isn’t it awesome? I know I left a lot of great artists (Hot Chip, Midlake, Grizzly Bear, The Knife) off it but when you’re narrowing down to ten it’s a little difficult. What can I say? These are just the albums that affected my music players the most this year.
If you’ve got a different list you feel like sharing leave it in the comments section or just leave a link. I’ll check it out – promise. Or hey, even if you want to tell me how dumb my list is, feel free. Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion – even if it’s wrong.
Posted: December 20th, 2006 | Author: Chris Walker | Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »
There are a lot of religions out there and a lot religious celebrations to partake in this holiday season. Christians have Christmas, Jews have Chanukah, Morons have that one thing – it’s festivals and shenanigans all around! And unless you’re in some boring asshole religion that doesn’t allow members to enjoy themselves, most religious devouties also celebrate by distributing gifts. Hooray!
Despite all the choices and excitement you might be thinking, “Yeah, but where’s the religion that speaks to me?” Look no further, lost souls, I have the perfect one for you. It might seem strange but read on, by the end you’ll find it’s just as solid as any other religion and ten times more fun! I present to you now: The Church of Rambis.
The Humble Beginnings of the Church of Rambis
The Church of Rambis was founded by our savior, Rick Rambis (of Rick Rambis), in the year 2001 AD. A love-torn man returning from vacation in Cancun, Mexico, Rick looked for more purpose in life so he formed a new religion with his trusted Apostles:
Rick’s Apostles, from left to right: Stumpy, Pig Pen, Rick (middle), Lance, Anthony, and Luke. Everything else: Wild Turkey.
With a devoted following, Rick needed a place of congregation so, he built the first Church of Rambis (out of brawn and bourbon, no doubt): an exact replica of the Wild Turkey Distillery in Lawrenceburg, Kentucky and nestled it into the cleavage of Alaska’s high country. Why Alaska, you ask? Because that’s where Rick’s home, Bull Mountain, is.
Rick really did preach it from a mountain top, an Alaskan mountain top.
Now, some “Skeptics of Rambis” (explained later) say the church isn’t real, it’s only an image of the Wild Turkey Distillery photoshopped into some Alaskan mountains but remember: we’re talking about the same guy who made a lift up to Hangman’s Peak. Rick can do just about anything.
The Five Miracles of Rambis
Belief is a big deal, right? You might want some validity or proof of greatness before you start believing in something, right? Maybe? If you’re a Christian I guess not, nevertheless; in the hope of convincing you to become a “Rambian” (what we call ourselves) I’d like to present some of Rick’s, our leader, most awesome feats. I’d go so far as to call them miracles. And, if memory serves me correct, a person has to perform three miracles to become a saint, right? Not that Rick is trying to be a saint but if he were – he’d already be one. Why? Because Rick performed not three but FIVE miracles. Suck on that, Mother Theresa.
Miracle Number One: One time on Bull Mountain Rick took on the Six Million Dollar Man and won. Furthermore, he fucked the Six Million Dollar Man’s daughter. Rick = 2, Six Million Dollar Man = 0. Had it been anyone else the Six Million Dollar Man would have ripped the poor bastard limb from limb, sodomized the torso, and burned the remains with laser beams that shoot out of the Six Million Dollar Man’s eyes. It’s true. You can witness the saga for yourself as it’s retold in Rambis’ cinematic adventure Out Cold.
Miracle Number Two: Rick held the crown as King of the Mountain for four consecutive years! Try and top that! You can’t, it’s impossible. Average humans cannot fathom such awesomeness!
It should be noted, the Church of Rambis has its fair share of naysayers, we call these people Skeptics of Rambis. They are idiots. Some Skeptic of Rambis wrote the following on the internet movie database (IMDB) in response to this great miracle of Rick’s:
“During “King of the Mountain”, Rick is seen taking a drink that he holds in his mouth in order to win the race. A few frames later, after Jenny flashes Pigpen, he’s seen with an open mouthed smile looking at Pigpen after he’s wiped out. He then does a flip and loses the rest of the beer in his mug. There’s no way he could have smiled with all that beer in his mouth without losing it, but he still has beer at the end.”
Oh ye of little faith. What does that prove? Can’t they understand? – that’s what makes it a miracle! I’m telling you: Skeptics of Rambis are idiots.
Miracle Number Three: Rick banged the fiancé of a crippled ex-athlete. Then, after she went back to her man, Rick stole her a second time. Bored with victory, Rick told the fiancé to go back to her man. Not because it was the right thing to do, oh no, he let her go because he had some other hot blonde waiting to get naked and nailed on the sideline. Not to mention, the blonde knew how to get drunk and act like a slut – unlike the fiancé of the crippled ex-athlete who was all proper and polite (i.e. she was a French chick). Oh yeah, did I mention she was a cheater? No one keeps a cheater.
Miracle Number Four: This one’s a big deal and why Wild Turkey Bourbon plays such a significant role in the Church of Rambis. Rick, in a matter of an hour (history books estimate), killed an entire bottle of 101 proof Wild Turkey Bourbon BY HIMSELF. The next morning he woke up, slammed a handful of Aspirin, and went to work as if nothing had happened – in the same clothes! That kind of shit would kill a normal person but not Rick – Rick’s a borderline god. This is also why if you’re ever at a bar with me and I order a round of Rick Rambis it turns out to be Wild Turkey. And everyone cries.
Only one mortal has ever attempted such a Rambisy feat, his name is Chuck (from various Chris Walker Versus). One time Chuck came to Cocker Manor (my house) with a bottle of Cutty Sark scotch whiskey and almost killed the entire thing straight, there was less than a quarter bottle left. He spent the remainder of the night passed out on my audomin (or however you spell that thing that comes with sofas), mumbling gibberish, while Sean “Sapphire” (from various Chris Walker Versus) and I watched in bewilderment. The next morning Chuck vanished and we didn’t see him for like, an entire week. Needless to say, he didn’t wake up, take A
spirin, and stumble off to work unaffected. No, he went home to lay in the fetal position and nurse a hangover. Regardless, Chuck is the only man I’ve seen come close to Rick and for that we bestow upon him the Manliest Man of Men Runner-Up Award.
Miracle Number Five: Rick made fun of stealing land from Eskimos – an unheard-of action. Native Americans? Acceptable. The Irish? Why not? But Eskimos? No one’s ever dared to make fun of those seal-loving, nose-rubbing, spear chucker’s. Rick did, and he lived.
Gift Giving in the Season of Rambis
You might think, “Well great, I’m joining this fantastic church but the holiday season is upon us, what do I get fellow Rambians for gifts?” Glad you asked, the answer is simple. For men, get them a bottle Wild Turkey Bourbon. They’re guaranteed to enjoy the flavor and appreciate its religious significance. For lady Rambians, get them something special:
Nothing says “I love you” more than a black-out drunk.
And your holiday gift shopping is done! Wasn’t that easy? Now you can get back to doing important things like riding mechanical bulls and pulling pranks on your passed-out friends!
The Ten Commandments of Rambis
Here are just a couple rules we live by:
Thou shall…not ditch friends unless thou has fag practice in the morning.
Thou shall…never listen to Weezer’s “Island in the Sun”. Ever.
Thou shall…creatively humiliate friends if they pass out early during a night of drinking.
Thou shall…say “awesome” as often as possible if ever in a lesbian chat room.
Thou shall…refer to the Fuzzy Navel mixed drink as a “Horney Maker”, furthermore; thou shall refer to shots of Wild Turkey as shots of “Rick Rambis”.
Thou shall…love to ski. Thou shall love to drink. But most of all, thou shall love to ski and drink – at the same time.
Thou shall…if ever bummin’ in a hole-in-the-wall town in what is now called Utah, you know, smoke a little grass, drink a little ripple, crow like a rooster, maybe challenge the mayor’s son to a gentlemen’s duel, even if it is uncouth against God.
Thou shall…take a shot of Wild Turkey every time thou hears “Anytime” by Eve 6.
Thou shall…make their motto, “No regrets”. That and, “Everybody Wang Chung tonight”.
Thou shall…keep it real while keeping it safe.
To Finish Up…
What are you waiting for? Seize the carp!
That about does it for now, I’ve taken up enough of your time with stories of awesomeness, slaying hot friggin’ chicks, and lapping up copious amounts of alcohol. As you can see the Church of Rambis is pretty sweet. It’s a lot more fun than wearing a white shirt and tie and riding a bike door-to-door but ultimately, the choice is yours. I know there are still a lot of unanswered questions, as this is only a brief overview of the Church of Rambis so, if you have any questions feel free to contact me.
Until next time, Happy Holidays!
Posted: December 15th, 2006 | Author: Chris Walker | Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »
This is ridiculous. Two days after I post about how deplorable She Wants Revenge’s “Kidnap the Sandy Claws” is they come back with something even shittier: a remake of Simon and Garfunkle’s “Hazy Shade of Winter.”
I didn’t think they could make a song worse than “Sandy Claws”! Alas, they have and, to make matters worse, they slaughtered a classic in the process. What the fuck were they thinking? I mean, I can understand how Justin would do it (Supernaut, anyone?) but the most pretentious prick in DJing* ? How’d he ever agree to do this?
Stream She Wants Revenge’s abortion of “Hazy Shade of Winter” on their MySpace site.
There’s an old rule in the cover world: if you can’t do a better job than the original (or at least provide an interesting variation on the original) don’t cover it. I’m almost ashamed to have spent the better part of a year adoring everything this band did. It almost makes me feel as if I’ve sat on my balls.
Regardless, I still want to know what song is playing on Adam 12’s MySpace profile. It’s not like a regular MySpace track, I think it’s embedded into the page or something (or I might not know what I’m talking about). Too bad Adam won’t answer a fucking MySpace message and just tell me what it is. What a dick. He needs to make a solo album, I’ve got a feeling it’d be awesome.
* Actually, I take that statement back. If I was DJing a show in Hollywood where everyone is a vapid coke whore (or Lindsay Lohan) I’d probably be an asshole, too. And I would never play a fucking Fergie track – no matter how many times requested – because that shit is horrible. Maybe Chingy, but definitely not Fergie.
EDIT: I was checking the links and I guess you’ve got to be logged onto MySpace before you can read Adam 12’s blog where he talks about how above everyone he is (justifiably – yet he ’s unable to use complete sentences) while playing a DJ set. Keep that in mind if you want to read it.
Posted: December 14th, 2006 | Author: Chris Walker | Filed under: She Wants Revenge | No Comments »
