Chris Walker Vs. The Weather Channel, Or Why I Never Want Children

Having spent my formative years in a Catholic environment, I’m very familiar with guilt. So, it should come as no surprise, since posting Chris Walker Vs. Virginity (Is Something You Can’t Get Back) I’ve been asking myself, should I feel guilty for writing about how worthless my Vegas “friends” are? While the answer to that query is absolutely not, I do feel guilty about something else: wanting to have children.

Wanting to have children, in this day and age, is not only unreasonably selfish, it should be an ethical crime. To have a child now is to be confronted eighteen years or so down the road with, “You brought me into this ridiculous world? I hate you.” See, I can do everything to nurture my children, keep them away from gang violence and warn them about the evils of black-tar heroin; I can make sure they’re sufficiently educated and support them, emotionally and financially. But whatever I do, I cannot save them from a world in which the founder of the Weather Channel does not believe in global warming.

I’ll say it again: the founder of the Weather Channel, John Coleman, does not believe in global warming. And we wonder why we can’t get a decent forecast. Somewhere in the Arctic, a polar bear is floating around on a melting block of ice, utterly flabbergasted. Not only does Coleman think global warming is fraudulent, he’s gone so far as to advocate, “suing those who sell carbon credits, which would force global warming alarmists to give a more honest account of the policies they propose.”

In case you’re unfamiliar with carbon credit, the South Dakota Farmers Union website shines a little light on the topic:

“Global warming has been linked in part to release of gases into the atmosphere causing a ‘greenhouse effect’. There are six different greenhouse gases identified and targeted for reduction, one of which is carbon dioxide (CO2). Certain farming practices help take this CO2 out of the atmosphere and store it in the soil. Farmers, using these approved management practices, can earn credits for storing carbon. These credits can then be sold through the Chicago Climate Exchange.”

Coleman also wants you to sue Al Gore. It should be noted, Coleman, age 73, was forced out of the Weather Channel. I can only imagine why.

I know global warming is real because I remember seasons. Like, real, legitimate seasons. Not the way everything just kind of melds together like it does now; like when you could step outside and go, wow, it’s springtime. I can tell strange things are going on with the weather and I’m not even a meteorologist. Speaking of meteorologists, I think we can all agree their’s is not the most credible profession. It’s a step above fortune-telling. How do you even become a meteorologist, anyway? Do you go to an accredited university or do you just “mail it in” for that? I really think meteorology was something created for the not-as-retarded kids, as a way for them to be productive in society without putting too much at risk.

Currently, Coleman is a weatherman in San Diego, for KUSI-TV. A nice, safe place for him. The KUSI News website is more than happy to host Coleman’s views on global warming (links at the end), and it causes me to pose the question: what does anyone in San Diego know about weather? Sunny, not so sunny: that’s San Diego. Of course they’ll let an old dinosaur run around screaming, “Man-made climate change isn’t real! I know, I’ve stood in front of a green screen since the late 50s!” They’re not concerned with global warming in San Diego; they step outside and say, “Ah, a little bit warmer than usual this morning, time to call in sick and go to the beach.” And that’s it.

Senile weatherman telling you to sue Al Gore, women pretending to reclaim their virginity, meat from downer-cows being sold to schools, religious fanatics who believe god is killing soldiers in Iraq because of homosexuality in America, it’s all too much. Save your unborn children from the horrors we currently endure, and don’t have them. Things can only get worse.

LINK CITY:
John Coleman is an old douchebag.

John Coleman’s Views on Global Warming (in PDF format!).

Learn about Carbon Credit.
Learn more about Carbon Credit.

And, just in case you weren’t sure, John Coleman is an old douchebag.

Posted: March 7th, 2008 | Author: Chris Walker | Filed under: Idiots, Weather | No Comments »