Online social networking is out of control. This isn’t a groundbreaking revelation; it’s a well-accepted fact. If articles about mothers making fake profiles to harass their teenage daughter’s enemies weren’t troubling enough, websites like Lamebook will remind you daily just how ridiculous, unreasonable, and excessively narcissistic we are.
As much as I acknowledge the absurdity that comes with online social networking, how it showcases the worst in people (if you take shirtless self-portraits in your bathroom I’m talking to you), myself included (3 a.m. rants about Michael Jackson “news” coverage and Sean Hannity, anyone?), it’s never bothered me to the point where I felt like I shouldn’t participate. That is, until last night when I received a friend request from my grandmother.
I love my grandmother. I really do. I fondly reminisce on our trips to the bookstore, overindulging in sweets, and watching Bruce Lee’s Enter The Dragon on VHS. She’s the reason I enjoy jazz music, Mel Brooks films, and believe cheeseburgers are a breakfast food. Out of all the grandchildren, I’m still her favorite. That being said, my father’s mother, born before the advent of color television, does not need to be on Facebook. Child predators creeping fourteen-year-olds? Expected. Reminders that people don’t like being at work or wish it wasn’t Monday or what-the-fuck-ever personal information I don’t care about? I can handle it. Facebook-ing grandparents? I had a hard enough time befriending my own mother. This is too much.
Why does my grandmother even want to be on a social networking website? I thought one of the best parts about being old is shunning modern technology (along with shaking your head at “kids these days” and talking about how great Sinatra was in his prime). Last time I checked my grandmother had difficulty opening a web browser, now she’s supposed to upload photos and make status updates? Her head will explode. What are these updates even going to read like: “Love that Regis Philbin. LOL. My back hurts,”? And what does this slippery slope lead to next, GrandTwitter?
As technology advances and the human race devolves, I guess it’s only fair that old people have access to social networking sites. All I’m saying is there ought be a senior division. Like in golf. Segregated sites with names like Oldbook or GeriatricSpace; havens where our churchgoing, god-fearing elders can safely congregate in cyberspace amongst themselves, leaving the rest of us free to write expletives in comments and post inebriated party pics without the fear of scrutiny.
Until we have age-partitioned social networking sites, my grandmother should not be on one. Chances are, neither should yours. It seriously makes me consider throwing in the towel on this whole online community thing. I know I’m not alone. If grandparents want to contact their grandchildren they should just pick up a phone or send a letter like the good old days. I don’t hang out in the bingo hall, don’t intrude on my social networking.
LINK:
Lamebook
Posted: July 13th, 2009 | Author: Chris Walker | Filed under: Social Commentary | 6 Comments »
Last year I came off pretty arrogant with my Top Ten Albums of 2006, saying my list was better than most because I was able to restrain myself to ten picks and remembered a lot of great albums most forgot to mention. I’m not going that route this year, mainly because I know my finger is “off the pulse”, so to speak. And intentionally so.
A lot of music just didn’t impress me this year. I never got into Dan Deacon (no matter how fun Tod Seelie made his shows look), never found the appeal in Patrick Wolf. You’ll notice there’s no Radiohead, no Panda Bear, no Arcade Fire, or Wilco on my list? Why? Because I haven’t gotten around to listening to the new Radiohead yet (tragic, I know) and I didn’t care for any of those other albums, no matter how great everyone else said they were. Oh yeah, and I fucking hate Wilco.
That’s why this year I will refrain from calling my list the Ten “Best” Albums of the Year and instead call them my personal Top Ten Favorite Albums of 2007. Hope you enjoy my picks. Feel free to confirm your agreement with them, or call me an idiot for leaving a certain album out, whatever, I’ll take it.
CHRIS WALKER’S TOP TEN FAVORITE ALBUMS OF 2007
10. PARAMORE: RIOT!
Ah, my guily, guilty pleasure. I am not ashamed to say it: I love me some Paramore. They make pop-punk anthems the way they’re supposed to be made and I can’t help but love the shit. It’s undeniably infectious. Not to mention, that Hayley Williams is so goddamn adorable!
[MP3] Paramore: Crushcrushcrush (right-click to download)
09. APOSTLE OF HUSTLE: NATIONAL ANTHEM OF NOWHERE
I called it back in February (I think), National Anthem of Nowhere would make my top ten. And it did. The music is just so refined and mature. It’s one of those albums that will outlast the hipsters, survive the fads, and become one of those great, enduring albums – much like Apostle of Hustle’s first album, Folkloric Feel.
[MP3] Apostle of Hustle: National Anthem of Nowhere (right-click to download)
08. DETHKLOK: THE DETHALBUM
It’s easy to overlook Dethklok’s The Dethalbum for the fact it’s made by a fictitious band from an adult swim cartoon called “Metalocalypse”. The fact of the matter is The Dethalbum could very well be one of the greatest metal albums made. It contains all the best parts of metal (see: brutality) but is free of all the lame, we-take-ourselves-too serious pretentiousness often associated with metal. I mean, let’s face it, most metal albums are better to use as beer coasters than to put in a CD player. Metal sucks*. Not The Dethalbum though. It deserves to be cranked up to 11 and played on repeat.
[MP3] Dethklok: Go Into The Water (right-click to download)
07. JENS LEKMAN: NIGHT FALLS OVER KORTEDALA
I got my hands on Night Falls Over Kortedala around the same time as Beirut’s The Flying Club Cup. I’ve been constantly listening to the glorious, witty, pop gems off Night Falls Over Kortedala ever since then. Flying Club Cup? Not so much.
[MP3] Jens Lekman: The Opposite of Hallelujah (right-click to download)
06. QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE: ERA VULGARIS
Era Vulgaris is just a whole lot of fun. When my iPod adapter broke it was all I listened to for a week straight. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “Make It Wit Chu”. There’s a lot of swagger, some blues, and a whole lot of sex-and-drug-drenched rocksploitation in Era Vulgaris. It’s also got blink-and-you-miss-‘em moments from The Strokes’ Julian Casablancas and Nine Inch Nails’ Trent Reznor. Nice.
[MP3] Queens of the Stone Age: Era Vulgaris (right-click to download)
05. JUSTICE: †
Justice single-handedly kept dance music alive and revived Daft Punk in the same year. This album is what The Looks was for me last year, only better. That being said, I’ve got to give MSTRKRFT their due (if I hadn’t a million times already), their remix of “D.A.N.C.E” was one of my favorite tracks of the year.
[MP3] Justice: D.A.N.C.E. (MSTRKRFT Remix) (right-click to download)
04. BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE PRESENTS KEVIN DREW: SPIRIT IF…
If you didn’t know any better you’d swear Spirit If… was the new Broken Social Scene album, not a Kevin Drew solo outing. From “Too Beauitful To Fuck”, “Safety Bricks”, “Lucky Ones”, “Backed Out On The…”, to “Aging Faces / Losing Places” this album evoked all the right emotions. And any guy who writes a song called “Gang Bang Suicide” and makes it one of the most genuine love songs of the year surely deserves a place amongst my top ten.
[MP3] Broken Social Scene Presents Kevin Drew: Gang Bang Suicide (right-click to download)
03. FIONN REGAN: THE END OF HISTORY
Technically this album was released in 2006 on Bella Union in the UK. But since Lost Highway released it in the US this year, and it’s been in constant rotation on my iPod since January, I’m including it here. Maybe it’s my kinship to Irish singer-songwriters that makes The End of History dear to me, I don’t know. If you ever get the opportunity to see Fionn live in a small venue where he hates the audience – don’t miss it. You’ll be in for a brilliant acoustic performance.
[MP3] Fionn Regan: Hunter’s Map (right-click to download)
02. NINE INCH NAILS: YEAR ZERO
Listening to this album makes me sad for bands that fell off, bands everyone used to love that now suck. Like Korn, for instance. While Korn tries reinventing themselves with the same boring sound on every disposable album Trent Reznor has remained relevant, able to progress while retaining the elements that make his music “Nine Inch Nails”. From the flash drives with MP3s, to the viral campaign, to the music itself, everything about this album was awesome. Who knew sobriety could be a good thing?
[MP3] Nine Inch Nails: Capital G (right-click to download)
01. FEIST: THE REMINDER
This album changed my life. Literally. I would not be in the place I’m at right now if it were not for this album. And I like where I am. That makes me really like this album.
[MP3] Feist: I Feel It All (right-click to download)
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* Not all, but most metal sucks. Just to clarify.
Note: all MP3s are for sampling purposes and will be taken down if requested. These are songs from the best albums of the year though, so click the links and buy the albums – if you don’t already own them. They’re the best albums of the year so they’re obviously worth it.
Posted: December 14th, 2007 | Author: Chris Walker | Filed under: Music | No Comments »
The Velvet Tango Room.
It might be the best bar in the world. A bold claim. I put that claim to the test, stopping through Cleveland, home of the VTR, on my return trip from South America. After two visits – one before dinner for an aperitif and another for a night cap – that claim may be true.
I arrived at Cleveland Hopkins Airport mid afternoon on a Saturday. Reunited with Pockets, we made our way to the hotel, quickly changed, and caught a taxi.
“We’re going to the Velvet Tango Room.” I told the driver.
“You mean the Velvet Dog?”
“No, the Velvet Tango Room, on 2095 Columbus Road.”
“Never heard of it.”
That’s part of the VTR appeal. While it may seem like everyone knows about it, no one really does. Only a small neon sign indicates what waits inside the old brick house, looking nondescript on the outskirts of Tremont. It’s essentially a modern day speakeasy. In fact, it was a speakeasy at one point, a barbershop prior to that, and a condemned building before owner Paulius Nasvytis transformed it into the VTR over a decade ago. Now Paulius and his partner, Orva Fuston, maintain the “boutique lounge” as a place where cocktails, service, ambiance, and entertainment are of the highest quality conceivable.
Little things matter most at the VTR. Ice cubes (and they are, in fact, “cubes”) are made from triple-filtered water and frozen into 1 ¼ inch blocks of perfection. They create their own root beer, ginger ale, and cola from customized formulas, using a high-end carbonation system. Natural sugar is used instead corn syrup. They make their own syrups and reductions and ensure whatever products aren’t made in-house are still top-notch, such as the Vya Vermouth. The drinks – an array of classics and VTR specialties – are crafted with precision. And while they may take a little while to make, the wait is always worth it. I ordered a Negroni and it was an absolute pleasure to watch bartender Carol Grabowski create my cocktail. She measured the alcohol, took her time mixing it. Easily the best tasting Negroni I’ve ever had.
Perhaps even more fun to watch was the preparation of a Ramos Gin Fizz, which requires a lot of shaking and egg whites. Yes, you read correctly: egg whites. Then, of course, there was the Dark and Stormy which I can only describe as “spicy” and “awe inspiring.” One of the few times I’ve drank through a straw and enjoyed it. Pockets had an astoundingly delicious Lady in White and an after dinner Alexander. I also had the “life-altering” Manhattan and it completely lived up to it’s reputation.
Basically, if you hadn’t gathered, there isn’t a bad drink to be had at the VTR.
As I alluded to earlier, service at the VTR is impeccable. The bartenders are beyond friendly, attentive, and take great satisfaction in making you the best drinks of your life. Paulius, dressed in ascot and blazer the night we attended, cordially greets every guest at the door, welcoming you to the VTR, whether friend or stranger, exuding immense pleasure in your arrival. He even makes desserts such as Bananas Foster “tableside” for his patrons.
Being inside the VTR is like being in a dream you don’t want to wake up from. It is total escape. The bar is warm mahogany, the lights are dimmed to make the atmosphere cozy and romantic. A large piano sits in the back of the bar awaiting the jazz musicians who come to play every night. Old movie posters adorn the walls and the TVs display everything in black and white. Intentionally, I presume. Then, there is the “private back room” which boasts a second grand piano, luxurious couches, a fireplace, and a quaint back patio. Putting green included. Pockets and I sipped cocktails in the back after dinner and it felt heavenly. Some call Disney Land the happiest place on Earth. I disagree. I think the VTR is the happiest place on Earth. As I told Paulius on our way out, “More than a bar, it’s almost as if you get to host this fabulous cocktail party every night of the week.” I never wanted to leave.
The VTR exceeded any and every expectation I had. Is it worth traveling all the way to Cleveland for? Absolutely (I recommend eating at Lola, too). This recap, if you want to call it that, does not do proper justice to the wonderful time I had there or accurately capture the charming atmosphere, delightful character, and class of the people. You really ought to experience it for yourself however; you should be warned: drinking at the VTR may ruin you forever. It may cause you to blurt out wild statements like “I wish I lived in Cleveland.” You will presumably never experience a cocktail with the same degree of quality and craftsmanship as you did at the VTR.
That is unless you make a return visit, of course.
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The Velvet Tango Room [Official]
Posted: October 24th, 2007 | Author: Chris Walker | Filed under: Alcohol, Cleveland, The Velvet Tango Room | No Comments »
