Why Here? Why Now? A Mission Statement of Sorts.

I wrote the following on my Tumblr in May 2010, after I decided to move my writing there. I no longer write here for the reasons below so, if you’re interested in reading what I currently have to say or am listening to or whatever, go here instead. Take care.

From MySpace to Blogger to WordPress, for better or worse, CHRSWLKRVS has savagely staggered across the internet for six years. I can’t believe I’ve been at it this long. What started as douchey, now cringe-worthy rants about trips to Best Buy and drunken altercations, turned into an opportunity to interview my favorite up-and-coming bands, some of which have gone on to be quite successful (ie: Grizzly Bear). CHRSWLKRVS became a stage for satire, a catalog of deranged ideas like the Church of Rick Rambis, and evolved into an avenue where I could abrasively address personal interests like the obesity epidemic, America’s relationship with food, the meat industry, cocktail culture, and other social issues.

CHRSWLKRVS has taken me on an exciting journey. It has built relationships, ruined relationships, outraged fat people and oversensitive would-be feminists, made people laugh, and, on occasion, provided worthwhile insight. It has granted me a lot of opportunities, gotten me into shows for free, and introduced me to some truly remarkable individuals. I wonder where else I could’ve gone with CHRSWLKRVS had I taken it more seriously, or devoted all my energy into it.

Alas, I never have, and lately posts have been beyond sporadic. Part of it I blame on the fact my designer friend hasn’t completed the redesign after seven months, and left it so unmanageable I barely know how to log in; part of it I blame on the fact I’ve lacked direction and discipline, and have focused much of my efforts on a newer online venture. Nevertheless, I think people have enjoyed CHRSWLKRVS as much as they’ve disliked it, and it’s something worth continuing. So, I’m bringing it to Tumblr. It may seem like a downgrade but I think Tumblr is the perfect setting, and will presumably inspire me to approach CHRSWLKRVS with passion, something I hadn’t often done in its last incarnation. I hope you enjoy what goes on here, and if you don’t… I hope you hate it enough to say something.

This is Chris Walker Versus. Everything.

Chris Walker Vs. The Marriage Ref

Earlier tonight, I was in the fitness center of the SeaTac Holiday Inn. I was running on the treadmill, watching the god-awful Marriage Ref show on NBC, when an obese blonde wearing matching Adidas shirt and pants cracked open the door, looked around, said “Awesome,” and left. There was an available treadmill, elliptical machine, exercise bike, and stair climber; clearly, she was in work out attire. I don’t know, baby steps? Or is The Marriage Ref really that unbearable?

Chris Walker Vs. Publicly Funded Abortion

“There will be no public funding for abortion in this legislation,” affirmed Michigan Democratic Representative Bart “Baby Killer” Stupak(1) on Sunday, March 21, 2010. Unfortunately for Stupak, that statement wasn’t true. The recently passed health care reform bill does include public funding for abortion. I’m okay with that.

For many politicians, Republicans and Democrats alike, federal funding(2) for abortion was a big point of contention during the health care reform debate. It can even be argued the only reason health care reform passed is because of a last minute executive order President Obama made to gain the support of pro-life Dems, Stupak included. (Dems also supported the bill with the promise of reconciliation, which will effectively ‘fix’ discrepancies in the bill. Read more about reconciliation in the ‘Links’ section at the end.)

Abortion hasn’t been wholly funded by the federal government since 1977 when the Hyde Amendment was enacted. The Hyde Amendment “excludes abortion from the comprehensive health care services provided to low-income people by the federal government through Medicaid,” according to the American Civil Liberties Union’s (ACLU) website(3). Under the Hyde Amendment, abortion is only federally funded in extreme circumstances such as rape, incest, or when the mother’s life is in jeopardy.

Here’s the thing: Even with the executive order, people receiving government subsidies for health care are able to buy policies that include abortion; therefore, federal funding can still technically be used for abortions. That’s why many are calling President Obama’s grand gesture a sham, and Stupak’s abrupt change of heart just another example of politicians being politicians. This isn’t anything to get upset about, though. With health care reform passing, Americans now required to get health care coverage under penalty of fines, with everyone from the middle class to the top out of sight carrying the financial burden for those who can’t afford it, this could be a good thing. It’s time we all reevaluated our stance on abortion.

First, we need to be honest with ourselves: Child birth is not special, nor is life any longer a miracle. A miracle by definition is a “highly improbable or extraordinary event”. Babies, tons of them, perhaps too many, are born every single day; the occurrence is not improbable nor extraordinary. In fact, child birth is pretty common; you might even call it boring. Babies are not amazing, either. I know; everything is ‘amazing’ since ‘amazing’ is the only adjective any of us know how to use anymore but, seriously, your baby isn’t. Is he developing time travel technology or curing AIDS? No? He’s just lying there, shitting himself and crying all day? And you’re telling me if you weren’t to constantly look after him, left to his own devices, he would die? Your baby isn’t amazing, your baby is quite the opposite. Your baby is dumb.

Furthermore, too many stupid people are having babies, babies that are raised (or aren’t raised, rather) to be stupid kids, stupid kids who grow up and have stupid babies of their own, and so the incessant cycle goes. Idiots are running rampant in our country, jobless and condomless, pumping out fellow welfare recipients as if it’s a moral obligation. It then becomes the responsibility of people who’ve actually bought into the system — people who responsibly have children, who productively contribute to society, who’ve obtained good paying jobs in order to provide themselves a desired quality of life, who go to work all week and still cling to the virtues of Capitalism (the ideals that hard and honest work is well-rewarded) — to pay for these cavorting slobs and their ill-fortuned offspring.

Now that we’ve established babies aren’t special and morons are having too many of them, here’s my proposal: Health care is now mandatory, however unconstitutional that may be according to the Tenth Amendment? Fine. The government is going to raise my taxes because they’ve determined by getting an education and going to work everyday, and by being unwed and childless I’m a greedy-fuck-pig who should pay for the bad life-decisions of low-income individuals, decisions I wasn’t even consulted on? Okay; I’ll carry that cross. But if everyone has to have health insurance now, and you’re going to tax me more to make sure everyone gets it, I ought to be able to determine which health care programs my hard-earned money goes toward. Fair enough? Great. In that case, I want all of my money to go to federally funded abortions.

We need publicly funded abortion now more than ever. I can almost guarantee in the time it took me to write this over a hundred future welfare, and now health insurance, recipients were born. We don’t need them; sorry, we’re at capacity. By allocating my tax dollars to federally funded abortion, I’m doing my part to ensure all “under-privileged” but unfortunately fertile mothers-to-be are granted the opportunity to knock it out, all expenses paid, beforehand, saving us all yet another never-ending headache. (While they’re at it, they ought to tie some tubes, too.)

A lifetime of additional taxes or a couple hundred upfront to end it now?(4) I’d like my tax dollars to support the latter, thank you. Do us all a favor, low-income, pregnant women of America: End for yourself today what will undoubtedly be a burden on us all tomorrow. Over thirty precent of my monthly income is ready and waiting. Together, we can defeat this deficit. Yes we can!

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1. Maybe or maybe not according to Texas Republican Representative Randy Neugebauer, who either yelled “baby killer” or “it’s a baby killer,” at Stupack on the House floor (depending on whether you believe the tapes or Neugebauer), which is pretty ironic considering Texas is home of the death penalty. Stupak’s stance is anti-abortion, and he opposed federal funding of abortion in the health care bill. According to Stupak, he only agreed to vote in favor of the bill after an executive order from President Obama, ensuring no federal funds would go to abortion.

2. Public and federal funding are interchangeable. The public’s taxpayer dollars go to the federal government and into federally funded programs.

3. It should be noted the ACLU wants the Hyde Amendment repealed. You can read the complete text of the Hyde Amendment here.

4. This logic somewhat mirrors my stance on education. If we were to provide more money to grade schools, better paying teachers and ensuring greater resources, children would probably be more educated, and the tax paying public wouldn’t have to support so many of them later in life. In other words, by strongly investing early on, we won’t have to spend so much later, and we’d end up with superior results.

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LINKS AND RESOURCES

The White House Blog: One More Step Towards Health Insurance Reform (Obama’s executive order ensuring enforcement and implementation of abortion restrictions in the patient protection and affordable care act)

Abortion issue seen as key to health care reform passage, by Ed Hornick, CNN

National Abortion Federation: Public Funding for Abortion: Medicaid and the Hyde Amendment

Tenth Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America

Fox News: Choice, Life Group Slams Obama Order on Abortion Funding

Why I wrote the ‘Stupak amendment’ and voted for health-care reform, by Bart Stupak

CBS News: Senate Passes Reconciliation Health Bill

Using Reconciliation Process to Enact Health Care Reform Would Be Fully Consistent With Past Practice, by Paul N. Van de Water and James R. Homey